Learning to Want What I Have

I've spent much time lost in thought. Turns out it a much harder adjustment to go from crazy stress to zero in one weekend. I'm in a bit of a culture shock. I'm not that good with not being the queen bee at work either. I like to be in charge. I'm bossy. Get over it.

Lately I've been constantly reminding myself to look at the bigger picture. The smaller picture discourages me a bit. My income stinks (gonna get a 2nd job this month... bye bye 40 hr/weeks- it was nice knowing you). I'm hardly a golfer (I went to the driving range once- it was HARD). I'm at the bottom of the totem pole (people don't expect much of me). 

I attach a lot of my identity to my work. I gain self-worth through my job. Hearing "you won't need to know how to do that- we won't have you working by yourself" makes my ears bleed.

But then I get a little clarity... I'm not bent on having a career at the golf course. All the other people I work with are golf-professionals. They live an breath golf.

The short term is such a skewed view of reality. 

This isn't forever. It's a stepping stone to my future as a designer. It's light and easy to give my emotional/mental self a chance to heal. When I see it through the long-term lens, I am able to appreciate the small things about my job that aren't too shabby: I ride my bike to work- it takes 7 minutes, and all that fresh air is better than 3 cups of coffee; my boss is SO easy-going, yet bitingly sarcastic; free coffee; getting to sleep next to Scotty 7 nights a week (opposed to the 3 I was getting); dealing with clients who are here for recreation; getting to golf for free in a pricey member's-only club; having to only travel across the street to get to the beach....

yeah, I realize how dumb I am.

Not only am I putting effort into making sure that my focus isn't confined only to the short term, but I'm also constantly telling myself to "get over it" whenever I catch myself wishing. 

When a thought starts with "I wish...." (I made more money, I was already a designer, I got paid vacation), I rudely tell my self: "Well that's not reality, so get over it." The "I wish" thinking is not conducive to a spirit of  contentment. If you're always wishing for something better than where you're at, you'll miss out on everything you have.

Stole this photo from Ang