Finding Peace.

Sometimes a week can pass in the blink of an eye. It can be hard to remember what you even did with those seven days. It can be downright scary when time passes at hyper-speed and you're left trying to convince yourself you weren't asleep for most of it.

Other times a week can bring about more change than the past year. It can take on its own life.

I have had one of those weeks.

A week ago, I had been home from Hawaii for 2 full days (24 hrs of which, was spent at work). The morning after my first shift back gifted me with 3 cold sores, a shoulder hanging a solid 2 inches lower than the other coupled with muscles spasms, complete mental and emotional exhaustion.

I was so excited to return home. I couldn't wait to get on with finding deeper enjoyment and satisfaction in my own life through choosing to recognize and be thankful for the blessings God has given me- to work hard against taking things for granted.

I stepped off that plane ready to live the life God gave me. To let Him show me that my grass is pretty damn green as long as I commit to tending to it (water, trim, weed) rather than waste my time staring at the pasture on the other side of the fence.

What I didn't anticipate was this big old "backpack" that I had been able take off for 17 days getting in the way.

I had thought that God would have emptied that backpack for me, but when it was put back on me while I drove into work for my first shift, I could barely breathe.

I didn't remember it being that heavy.

My best guess is that I was able to function under its weight before I left because it has been slowly and steadily getting heavier over the past several months. I didn't realize it was crushing me until I had that break from it.

I keep reminding myself that God's timing is perfect. When I look back on this time- I will understand, but it doesn't make it easy.

This week I gave my notice. The tears spilled onto my cheeks on Monday and they haven't stopped since. I have found myself drowning in worry, but when I call out to Him, I find peace. Today at church the pastor said, "Faith is often confused with courage. Courage is a belief in one's self, in one's own abilities. Courage is based in confidence, and sometimes even narcissism. Faith is a belief in Him. It is trusting Him. Faith is finding peace in the midst of the storm."

It's funny that my prayer a week ago was that I wouldn't go down on a sinking ship, but that I would finish my job walking on water with God because the scripture of focus today was that of Peter walking on water, and the message was of faith in the midst of chaos.

That's been happening to me all week. God has been preparing my heart for every word, song and verse. I got an email on Tuesday morning from a woman who used to be my leader when I was in Pioneer girls, at the end of the letter she wrote, "I hope this hasn't been too preachy."

The words spoke straight to my heart. I read it over a few times and felt great comfort and peace throughout my day.

I have spent this week in the palm of God's hand. It has been stressful and difficult, but there is peace in knowing it isn't all up to me. There is peace in knowing He has a plan (even if it isn't all that clear). What appears to be chaos has order. What appears to be impossible is possible.

On Thursday I got a call back on a job interview. Not only was the manager willing to work around my schedule to allow for me to do a couple waitressing gigs a week (still waiting on that), but he also let me know that while the job wasn't supposed to start until March 1st- I could start Feb 1st.

As I climbed into my car, I giggled to myself. I felt like God was sitting in that room screaming "take the job!"